Saturday, November 3, 2007

Eat your Heart out.

What is that smell? I was just blowing my hair dry in preparation for the wrestling match I had planned with JJ (aka lunch at a restaurant), when my hair caught fire.

You are probably thinking that I was either a) holding the dryer WAY to close to the follicle or b) using some antiquated drying machine that has no place in 21st century bathrooms. My answer would be NEITHER! I seriously just bought this hair dryer like months ago, and the stinkin thing was literally four to five inches from my head.

Why then, do I have an orange-y stump of frizz where my bangs used to be?


My answer is this: I am meant to NOT BE PRETTY. In all seriousness, it goes beyond just the singed locks---this week I found my first wrinkle! This is no laugh line or other type that merely shows up when smiling or frowning. This is a true wrinkle... one that doesn't go away when I drop all expression. What is with that? Aren't your 20s supposed to be the high point?... the never-again reachable peak to which you strive for the rest of your valley-dwelling life?

To top everything off, I have some serious under eye circles going on. I guess that I was vaguely aware of their existence, but when I went to ULTA while visiting my sister in Portland and sat down for a mineral makeup makeover, the first thing the kind...er, honest... cosmetician said was... "well this may not quite cover up those 'mommy eyes.'" What??? I have one child... and he sleeps through the night... how can I already have "mommy eyes?" Trying ever so hard to mask my hurt, I playfully bantered.... "I guess that is the penance of parenthood." Honestly though, I think the phrase "over the hill," was derived from the proverbial peak of perfection we all climb throughout our lives. Once there is no hope of reaching a higher point, you have no place to go but down. If this is the case, am I proof that this can happen a little early?

Why can't the universe just give me this one? Can't we just make one little exception? I would appreciate if sweat pants and t shirts could be couture, baby snot and drool perfume, and dark circles chic. Either way, my hair is now burnt and more disturbingly, I guess I have to fork over some dough for a new hair dryer.


11 comments:

Gustogirl said...

Oh, I feel bad for you singed bangs, but I am laughing because I remember when I first started noticing wrinkles.

the daily knack said...

I have those mommy circles too... if anything it suggests to everyone how busy and tired I am!

Sorry about your hair... I have smelled that burning hair smell with my dryer... EWE!

pinkmorning said...

sorry about your bangs, i truly am very empathetic...in march when i cut my bangs myself and cut them waaayyy too short, i truly suffered the consequence for months, your are lucky your hair grows fast...btw, you have nothing to worry about, you are BEAUTIFUL.

Beanie said...

Sorry for the singed hair--like Jo in Little Women. I have burned my hair once and caused a little fire once. In Italy I was using a curling iron, rolled my hair up and then it wouldn't unroll. My hair had burned to the curling iron and the bathroom was heavy with the smell of burning hair. Then on a cruise ship I started to use my curling iron and it caught fire. You'd think I'd figure out how to negotiate the difference in wattage between US and Europe.

I think you look beautiful, exceptionally so. Aunt Nancy Proctor used to tell me every time she saw me, "You look so tired." I wasn't complimented and tried very hard to smile brightly when I would see her. Finally I gave up and just started to answer, "I earned it."

thekirnancrib said...

i so have wrinkles, too... I am 24. COME ON. i always wear sunscreen, do the face lotion thing, etc. I'd love to see a pic of the singed bangs ;)

WorksForMom said...

Oh. the. horror! I'm sorry, but this was so hilarious (for me, not you - I know). :)

LindsSawyer said...

RACHEL... Your blog is hillarious...even us working non-moms go through this battle every day! You still look great but as for me at thirty I will be bringin' on the botox!

Andrew, Cas and Stockton said...

Hey girl! You do crack me up! You are beautiful and while I know exactly what you mean....I guess thats life. Sometimes I look in the mirror and decide that instead of trying to do something about the extra flab around my butt and belly and the smeared makeup from last night I will just avoid mirrors at all cost. That doesn't really work. Hmmm...I'm stumped!

Rachel said...

seriously!!! mommy eyes??? did you give her a couple of black eyes for that? You must be younger than me, so I can't imagine you really have wrinkles.

KiMnRoB said...

I don't know what's worse, singed hair or the SMELL of singed hair. I do love wrinkles though.
My niece once asked me how I got those wrinkles on the back of my legs. I told her it's called cellulite and it comes with age so don't grow up.
Wrinkles, rolls, cellulite, grayness... Why on EARTH has someone not come up with a vaccine for THESE????

shauna said...

You are beeUatiful! Mommy eyes, smommy eyes. I have to admit, I'm still trying to pull myself from Frumpville over here so I haven't taken the time to inventory my wrinkles (I'm guessing I would find more than a handful. *sigh*).

Take the blowdryer back! :)