Thursday, September 13, 2007

From the Corner of my Mind.

Our story is so much the tale that we tell ourselves. Sure, we are surrounded by friends, relatives, and neighbors that may be able to recall a different version of our life experience, but mostly our memories are made up of what we each choose to remember. I read a great post on Blog con Queso about her earliest recollections and it struck me that these small, seemingly inconsequential moments helped shape who she is today.... furthermore, it is not just that these moments occurred as much as these moments are the ones that she has chosen to pack up and bring with her.

So, without further hesitation, here are my 5 Earliest Memories (in no particular order):

1. I distinctly remember sitting in my crib, singing to myself while holding a stuffed panda bear. I must have been under the age of three, as I have a little brother who would have taken over the crib when he was born. The thing that stand out to me the most was the fact that the bottom of the bear was dirty. It really bugged me and I don't know why. (prelude to my minor OCD problem??)

2. I remember walking into preschool once (maybe age 3 or 4?) after my parents had come home from a Mexican vacation. They had brought me back a beautiful dress with an elastic neckline as a souvenir. I remember pulling down the dress as to expose my shoulders. I don't know where I got that idea, but I remember thinking that I looked really cute that way.

3. I was in a US Satellite broadcast that my mom wrote and produced called "Abound in Hope," where I think that I played myself. I remember shooting the movie and particularly the craft services table. I remember the big bowl of skittles and wondering if I could have as much as I wanted. (I was probably about 3 or 4). I also remember thinking it was funny pretending that these strangers were my family members, but I loved it!

4. In first Grade I remember having to go to school all day. I thought at lunch time that I would absolutely die. The only thing I can recall was at lunch they had several different colored trays. Mixed in among them were a hnadful of red trays. If you got a red tray, you got a treat. It was so exciting to see if you got one, and we would always try to count how many trays vs students there were and arrange ourselves in line accordingly. I don't think I ever got one. Disappointing.

5. I remember when my dad passed away . I was five. The morning was a normal one, just waiting to go to afternoon kindergarten, when my mom came in the front door, and crouched down to tell me the awful news. I remember that I was in the entry way of our house on the big rug. The look in her eyes hit me like a ton of bricks. A mixture of greif and fear. I don't remember much of anything else, besides going to the school to pick up my siblings. My next memory of this tragic event was after the funeral and how our living room smelt of flowers because it had been taken over by well-wisher's bouquets. I remember sitting on the arm of the couch wondeirng if I were going to have to go back to school... or thinking about how much school I had missed or something like that. I felt extremely anxious at the thought of how behind I must be. Obviously, the gravity of my current situation was too much for my five year old brain and heart.

What are your earliest memories?


Jayna & Fam said...

What good insights- I love those random, early memories too. I didn't remember you being so young when your dad passed away! Tragic.

the daily knack said...

It is cool to read your memories. You are lucky you have such a good long term memory, my short term is the only memory process that seems to be working lately.

pinkmorning said...

it is funny what we remember...i have often wondered why we vividly remember some things that even now seem inconsequential and completely block things that shape so much of who we are. great post!

Gustogirl said...

I loved reading your memories because I remember them too, from a different perspective of course. I laughed and laughed about the dirty bum on the panda bear. I think I remember that panda bear too.

Pinks & Blues said...

Great post. I started to tear up on the last one about your father. My earliest memory is probably when all 4 of us were kids and my parents were taking us to our first red sox game. I must have been about 3-4 b/c Jane was a baby... and we just were so excited. I don't remember the game, but I remember feeling oh-so-cool in my red sox hat! And red sneakers!
- Audrey

The Mansfield Family said...

Hi Rach,
I have now entered into the blog world. It's not so bad.
Well I hope all is good. Take care.

shauna said...

What a good exercise. I didn't realize you lost your father at such an early age. It amazes me even more that you and your siblings seem so happy and well-adjusted. Your mother must be amazing (which explains why you are such an amazing mother as well!).