Wednesday, August 22, 2007

On Me Time

Armed with a new sense of confidence, I am plunging back into the book world. I have always loved to read and have found it pretty hard to find the time with a child. Before having a baby I always secretly judged people who claimed to not have the time to read. Now that I have little JJ, I find it's hard to steal a moment for a quick shower. It is not that I am so consumed with JJ, as much as it is that I am consumed with everything in the world and house plus JJ. However, one of my roommates from college, who I recently hooked back up with via blogosphere, has posted two good book reviews in like two days and has two children herself. I must say that this left me feeling everything from guilt and inadequacy, excitement and remorse. These sensations seem to be the very thread of motherhood.
I feel guilty for wanting to spend free time away from my child. I feel inadequate as a mother because even the time that I do spend mothering, I usually am feeding, clothing, wiping, or diaparing. Okay.... we do read, and count, and play too. Plus, I only have one and am worried that this feeling will snowball as the number increases.
Anyway, I didn't mean for thi sto turn into such a depressing post, I am just giong to say that I am going to start reading again, I love it and I should be able to do the things I love, right? Plus, I love of reading is definitely something that I want to pass on to my son and future children.


the daily knack said...

You should do what you love! It's so funny you posted on this. I have a stack of three books on my nightstand waiting to be read. "I looked at the this morning as I was waking up and thought to myself I really need to get reading!"

Maybe you should start a new book club. I will join. With a deadline we will both make sure to read!

Jayna & Fam said...

Rachel! You are making me laugh! "Girls, girls, you're BOTH pretty!" Meaning, you always have to give and take...give to your kids 99% of the time, and then one day out of 100, they can be orphanage kids and watch movies and eat cold cereal and not learn one iota from you while you read 3 books until 4am! :)Nobody is perfect...THAT is the very essence of being a MOM! Love your blogs though- even the "depressed" ones! P.S. I second the book club idea. I live in an older ward so our church book club mostly chooses old lady gospel books. So Natalie and I started our own fun, slightly scandalous book club (meaning we sometimes choose classics and other novels that are NOT sold at Deseret Book!) and it has been wonderful- a total highlight to look forward to, a SURE girl's night once a month with about 6 other young moms.

Rachel said...

I have two children, as well as your friend, and I read...a lot. It balances out. I remember when I only had my little boy and I felt like there was so much to do but then he got a little older and it seemed all these little times opened up that had me time opportunities. When my daughter was born I realized that me time was even more abundant (at certain times) because now my son has someone to play with---vise versa. I am glad you like to read. I always feel closer to people that share this obsession with the printed word!

shauna said...

Oh, Rachel, don't be so hard on yourself (there's too many of us mothers out there getting down on ourselves these days!) You are a wonderful mother! I can tell by each and every post (and by the lack of posts around JJ's birthday!). Because if YOU're getting down on yourself, I'll to get down MYself... Repeat after me, "I am FABULOUS!" ten times!